I have just returned from a momentous journey to pay homage to the Most Holy and Beneficent Micah, forever shall She reign. The wonders I have witnessed on this pilgrimage are too many and too marvelous to detail. I shall settle for an enumeration of the acolytes in the Cult of Micah.
Leader and founder of the cult is Jessica, High Priestess and Bearer of the Mystical Life-Giving Orbs. Jessica has taken a sacred vow to serve the Order of Micah for the remainder of her days, although she does hope to be permitted to scale her time-consuming worship obligations back once she has completed two decades of dedicated service. Such parole, however, is neither guaranteed, nor always permanent.
Supporting the High Priestess is the Right Reverend Grammie, Keeper of the Holy Nappy. Reverend Grammie is a High Priestess of yore who shares her wisdom and council with the newly installed High Priestess Jessica. However, Reverend Grammie does her best not to step on the High Priestess’s toes and understands that the High Priestess must establish her own cult agenda.
Supporting the Right Reverend Grammie is First Auntie Diane, herself a High Priestess of an older cult, now little practiced and somewhat fallen from fashion. The First Auntie has established her home as a seaside retreat for those occasions when the Most Holy Micah and her retinue seek refuge from their Sacred Residences. As such, the First Auntie expects to soon be initiated into the Order of the Pack ‘N Play.
Almighty Micah and her anointed retainers periodically receive visitors who travel from afar to pay obeisance to Her Supreme Cuteness and experience the healing powers of bouncing The Holy One upon their knees. Pilgrims can be relied upon to participate in the ritual Counting of the Piggies, a sacrament that Her Serene Highness demands frequently of her worshippers. Pilgrims also witness the extraordinary Ceremony of the Raspberries on Her Tummy, which is believed by many to herald an Age of Giggles Everlasting.
As part of my pilgrimage, I enjoyed the ineffable privilege of completing a grand oblation in honor of Her Smileyness: the Sacred Blanket of All Strollers. My fingers are still a-tingle from the grueling effort of my veneration. I humbly give thanks for the blisters, the calluses, and the hang-nails the Sacred Blanket did cause to appear on my hands. I recognize that my stigmata are a particular gift that the One True Micah has given me. They are an aid to teach me to revere Her and to praise Her roly-poly countenance through a more vivid memory of Her Blanket.